You're too over the top, you have to keep in mind that even though the Monologue is comedic, and it needs to be funny, it's still a person you are playing, and the way you are acting now requires a bit more Depth you could say, you're just reading it and adding the most obvious emotion you can find, theres no Subtext in it.
He needs to do southern characters, considering his strong accent. He needs to throw his own personality into his characters, too. Acting isn't ONLY about being someone/something else. He needs to make it his own.
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